More of LA...

I must have reached the maximum typing characters in my last post...

Anyway...my sister-in-law and niece came to visit last week and had gone to LA to buy some hit fix crystals.  I had a doctors appointment or I would have met them there.  I was so excited to go to the store they went to because the selection and prices were awesome.  We found the store pretty quickly only to find it is closed on Sundays.  We found a store a few doors down that was a little more expensive and had a much smaller selection.  I bought just a few bags of the stones and some adhesive / transfer paper to make my own designs.  We also found a fabric store that was having a sale on Embroidery Sewing Machine thread...$ 1.60 for 5000 yards.  I spent $ 38 on 22 spools.  If I would have bought the same quantity at a regular store, even with a 50% coupon, I would have spent over $ 400...super good deal!  Oh, and I have the best husband EVER!  He can fill a cart faster than me for sure.  After we had picked a bunch of colors I went back through and eliminated some. He was very patient...and so was my daughter!

We walked through the streets and shops for hours...every 10 paces there was a hot dog cart selling bacon wrapped hot dogs...on every corner there was a churro vendor...oh the horror!  My daughter and I shared mini churros...2 for $ 1...they were so good we stopped for another bag...total pp - 7...and worth every one. We ended up going to Taco Bell for lunch since it was the only place I would be able to figure the pp values.  For Lent I gave up white bread which includes flour tortillas.  Until that day I had never realized that the majority of Taco Bell items include flour tortillas.  I opted for a chicken salad with extra chicken and without tortilla strips.  It came in a golden fried tortilla shell, but I did not even have one bite of it.  I shared my chicken with my daughter and she had her usual...regular nachos.  I was tempted to have a few of her chips, but due to my Lent vow, I did not...yeah!

LA Shopping District...

Sunday I ate well, resisted a ton of temptation, and walked for miles.  by the end of the day only used 8 of my weeklies...amazing considering we were not home most of the day!  We ate breakfast at home and then headed to the swapmeet for fruit...the past few weeks they have had the best oranges and cherries...super sweet and a great price!  I like going to the swapmeet because my husband can look at stuff and my daughter and I get a good walk.  There is a couple there that sells chicken on a stick...it is marinated, boiled, and then finished on the grill.  I have no idea what they use in their marinade, but it is sooo good!  One day I brought one home so I could weigh it and figured you get two skewers for 3pp...good deal for sure!  They are all white meat so there is no weirdness or unidentifiable chicken parts...yeah!

On our way to the swapmeet we decided to take a trip to LA's shopping district.  We had been talking about going for months and never made the time.  I love spontaneous trips...the kids and I  go random places from time to time, but my husband is usually working.  We ran home to pack some fresh fruit and string cheese and collect some things for my daughter to do in the car.  I have got to be one of the most directionally challenged people around...it is amazing I don't get lost more than I do.  I called my trusty friend Lisa for directions and we were fine until we got off the freeway and went to wrong way.  Since my husband was driving we got back on track quickly and found a $5 parking lot.  Depending where you are the parking can be super pricey.        

Weigh in...

I think it is time for a new bathroom scale because last week I was sure I had maintained and I gained 1.2...this week I was once again sure I maintained and I was down 1.6!?!?

My running total...78.2 ~ Not bad for my 1 year anniversary with WW.  I had hoped to be down 100 by today, but that goal was changed awhile ago since it was no longer realistic.  I have now changed that goal to May 5...one day after my 35th birthday.  I am about half way to my goal weight so if I can lose as much this year as I did last year I should be to my ultimate goal by next February.  I have 10 weigh-ins to lose just over 20 pounds and reach my 100 pound goal.  I am getting back to my old WW self with how I think about food, tracking 100%, and not going over my dailies / weeklies.  Monday I will finally get back to the gym and I have planned time to go 5 days this week...hopefully the scale will reflect my efforts!

Today was a good eating day.  I drank plenty of water, ate plenty of fruits and veggies, and only used 9 of my weeklies.  Each time I ate today I really thought about if I was truly hungry or wanted to eat for another reason than hunger.  A few times I drank water or chewed gum instead...I am going to do the same tomorrow and try to really listen to my body and eat when I am hungry.  As our WW leader Dawn always says "food only fixes hunger".

Still sick...

I am still sick...tomorrow will be day 6.  Even though I have taken care of many things (and people) this week, I have been taking it relatively easy.  I hope my body just needs a few more days to recover so I can get back to the gym by Monday.  I walked a bit this morning, like 5 minutes down the street and back.  By the time I got back I could hardly breathe.  I haven't felt like that since 75 pounds ago and it was a horrible feeling that I never want to experience again.  I know it is because I am super congested, but the feeling was far too familiar.

I never did get back to bed today but I did spend some quiet time on the internet looking at weight loss blogs.  It is amazing how I can relate to so many of the stories.  When I read other blogs I feel inspired and motivated to keep pushing on.  I had been such an amazing WW...tracked everything, ate the right things, indulged within reason, exercised on a regular basis, and most importantly lost weight on a regular basis.  Then life got in the way and I fell to the bottom of my to do list.  I always thought if I lost only .2 each week I would give up for sure.  Well...I have lost and gained and lost and gained the same few pounds over and over in the past few months, but I have certainly NOT given up!  I have come too far to turn back now.

It is 6:15pm and I am full, not super full, but satisfied...like the perfectly blown up balloon in the WW Getting Started Guide.  I have 3pp left for the day.  As of this moment I have no need, or desire, to use them.  Hoping to make it to the end of the night without using them...we'll see.

One last thing I must type as my memory is horrible even when it comes to important things that I WANT to remember...  I have never participated in lent, but have decided to do so this year.  I have decided to give up white bread, and so many of its cousins...hamburger buns, hot dog buns, naan bread, fluffy rolls, flour tortillas, alternative bagels, english muffins, and biscuits.  I am sure as time goes on I will find other family members that would fall into the same category.  I have enjoyed all of these foods along my weight loss journey...yes...even when I was consistently losing weight.  I will enjoy them again, but I think at this point I need some type of food challenge to get me back on track and back to my losing streak.  My daughter has decided to join in and give up pizza.  My son and mom have decided on chocolate, which I can't imagine since the two of them love their chocolate, but we'll see.  We made a chart to fill in every night...since I did not decide to do this until today...tomorrow will be our official Day 1.  For the record, I did not have any white bread items today...yeah me!

Not best, but better for sure...

Today was better than many I have had lately, but there is still work to be done to get back to where I once was.  My son and daughter were both sick since Sunday night.  She went back to school yesterday and I took him to the doctor today.  Out of all of the times I have ever taken my kids to doctor, only a few times have they been given medicine.  I don't know if it is because they are allergic to penicillin or because whatever they have just has to run its course, but I hate when my kids are sick.  I feel so helpless when they feel miserable and I can't do much to make them feel better.

I started this post a week ago.  Another week of illness, but this time it is my turn.  I have the bad cold both of my kids had, but it hit me much worse then it got them.  I have had so many things to do this week, I am not getting better.  Today I plan to go back to bed for a few hours before the kids get out of school.  I would love to go to the gym and try to sweat it out, but I don't think that would be a good idea considering I can hardly breathe and I don't want to share the germy love!

Eating hasn't been too bad this week, but could be better.  I did create a new smoothie...new to my anyway.  In efforts to boost my Vitamin C intake I used 2 whole oranges, 1 Cup of Milk, and a WW Vanilla smoothie mix to make my version of a creamsicle.  I added a ton of ice and it made alot.  It was refreshing, soothing on my throat, and since I don't count pp for fruit or veggies in recipes, it was only 4pp...2 milk servings, and 2 fruit servings all in one shot!  Last night my sister-in-law and niece visited from out of town.  We had Panda Express for dinner...I did not have rice or egg rolls, and only ate 3 pieces of orange chicken, less than 1/4 cup of chow mein, some broccoli (no beef), and some string bean and mushroom chicken.  I did have 2 fortune cookies and tons of water.  I went over my daily pp, but considering I am sick and we had unexpected guests, it is what it is.  I have to just take it one day at a time and remember it is a journey, not a race.  I will never be "finished" so I should enjoy myself here and there...along the weigh...

2012...Off to a rough start...

I cannot believe it has been almost a month since my last post.  Even if no one ever reads my blog, I feel better when I post.  On Friday, January 13th, my dad who is 82 next week had to be taken to the ER via ambulance.  He had either a TIA or a small stroke, we are still not quite sure.  After two days in the hospital unresponsive, he started to come back around.  After a week in a nursing rehab center, he came home...that was last week.  During that time we made several trips to see him each day.  Since he has been home he has had a physical therapist and a nurse come a few times to check in on him.  His blood pressure is still not controlled, and the whole situation is scary, stressful, and tiring.  I have to take his blood pressure several time throughout the day, record it, makes sure he does not exceed 2000mg of sodium a day, and make sure he takes his medicine (how and when he is supposed to).  My mom who just turned 76 is not in the best health of health either.  Everything with my dad has really taken a tole on her.  Needless to say I have been barely hanging on to the very bottom of my to do list...each day I feel myself sliding further and further down...

Last week I was able to fit the gym in 5 out of 7 days.  I worked really hard at the gym as well as tried to eat well and lost 3.2 pounds for a total of 79.4.  This week has not been great at all.  Since we cannot leave my dad home alone, it has been a daily struggle to coordinate times to leave the house.  I only made it to the gym once this week and I miss it.  I miss the feeling of serenity when I am there.  I miss the feeling of accomplishment and strength when I walk out.  I honestly miss the gym.  It has been another week since I started this post.  On Saturday I was up over 5 pounds.  My total lost has now slipped just under 74 pounds.  I have been to the gym a few times this week, but have also eaten a bit more then I should have here and there.  In one word, I am... EXHAUSTED...mentally, physically, and emotionally.  In addition to calculating WW pp values, I now have to be super aware of sodium content.  My dad can only have 500mg max per meal.  It seems like it should be an easy task, but there is sodium in just about EVERYTHING!

The other day I finally reached my breaking point.  I was mad.

• Mad at myself for gaining back some of the weight I had lost.
• Mad because I can't seem to get back the focus I once had a few months ago.
• Mad because I lost my home...even though it has already been 4 years.
• Mad because the company I loved and worked at for 8 years was not managed well and closed.
• Mad because I don't have the same space I had in my house.
• Mad because my parents were so old when they had me.
• Mad because my parents are in such poor health.
• Mad because my 5 siblings don't visit much, or even call my parents.
• Mad because I am exhausted and can hardly think straight.
• Mad because I was mad.
• AND...Mad for a bazillion other reasons that would take a lifetime to type out!

Today I am still tired, but not as mad as I was.  I am thankful for everyone and everything in my life.  I want to continue my weight loss journey and reach my weight loss goals.  I want to get back to 83 pounds down and then zip right past that number.  I want to change the love-hate relationship I have with food.  I want to find a replacement for the instant satisfaction and comfort food gives me.  I want to be thinner and healthy.  I want to be a role model and my very own success story.