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Friday, November 2, 2012

Days 68 & 69...More of the same...

I feel like I am just spinning my wheels...like I am in a boat with one oar.  I can move forward a bit, just to end up turning in circles and ending up right back where I started. 

Yesterday was the first day of November...I didn't even notice.  I have been so busy and on the go so much that I don't even know what day or month it is!

When I rejoined WW in August I started to keep a calendatr on my desk that I made notes on to include my daily weight, misc comments, activity, and yeah or neigh for eats.  By tomorrow's weigh in I will be not very far from where I started back in August when I was so determined to get the scale moving in the right direction on a consistant basis.

I know that I cannot change my environment, so I must change how I look at it and deal with it.  In last week's meeting our leader mentioned WW coming out with behavior modification strategies in the New Year.  I certainly do not want to wait until then to make changes, but I am looking forward to some additional insight for sure.

I am up 2 pounds this morning from yesterday.  I started the day well with a good, low pp, breakfast and a 3 mile walk.  Last year one of my fellow WW let me go through a mountain of clothes she had shrunk out of.  I ended up bring home 2 huge black trashbags full.  That was in December of last year.  I was able to fit into some, but some were too small and I had hopes of fitting in them.  I finally went through them yesterday.  My mom and I spent 3 hours looking through them.  I ended up with a black dress, a long sleeved shirt, and two light weight black "jackets" that I can wear with my sleeveless dresses.  I decided that hanging to so many clothes that are no going to fit soon is defeating.  My mom found many shirts, some shirts, and a few pants she liked.  It was quite a workout for her to try on so many clothes since she is hunched over, crooked, and does not have very good balance...but she did it! 

I know many of her health issues were brought on, or enhanced, by the stresses caused by my dad.  I hope she has some years of freedom from him before her time is up.  I refuse to let him do to me what he has done to her.  Since my family and I moved in with my parents in 2008, it has been a daily struggle, mostly because of my dad.  2012 has been even more of a struggle and challenge as it started with his stroke and then midway through my mom stopped driving.  Even more stress and responsibility has fallen upon my shoulders and it is taking its toll on my body, mind, and spirit.  Thankfully I have a great husband and fantastic kids...although my son knows how to push my tired buttons like no other.

I did well eating yesterday until my daughter came home from school...I snacked, snacked, and snacked some more...then by the time dinner came around I was in that mode and did not weigh or measure anything I ate.  I was in the mood for the chicken and pasta but not the veggies.  Before dinner the kids and I took my daughter's Halloween candy to the dentist...in exchange we received a gift card to Menchies.  We got our frozen yogurt and brought some to my mom.  After dinner she was still asking for dessert.  When I was young we rarely had dessert...now my mom and dad want it every night.  Most nights I can just serve it up and not think twice about eating it...then there are nights when I want to eat it...too much of it.  I feel like they have never supported my weight loss efforts and probably never will.  My mom did comment yesterday that she thought I would rejoin WW, lose a bunch of weight fast and be "slimmed down" by now.  When I mentioned all of the extra snacks, desserts, and stress in the house her response was "we all like to eat it and are not on WW".  She could lose 50 pounds but decided she doesn't want to which is fine...but hindering my progress and then wondering why I haven't lost more weight doesn't help me any.

Well enough of that nonsense...today I will do my best to stay within my dailies.  I did not go for my morning walk because I have too many things to do.  I know I will regret it later, but I also know I will make it to 100% on my ActiveLink with everything else I have to do.  Yesterday I earned 8pp and reached 131%...would be fabulous if I hadn't eaten all of them...and then some!

Days 68 & 69...Activity ok...Food fail.

Onto Day 70...

I've got to find a way to fit everything into each day, as well as enough rest and sleep so I can make better food choices when I am tired and frustrated and so my body can let go of this extra weight.  Somedays I get discouraged when I have done everything right...food, water, and exercise, and the scale still doesn't move.  I know being overtired, exhausted, doesn't help any so I will have to find a way to get past that.

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