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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Day 141, 142, & 143...

I went back to WW on Saturday a few hours after weighing in to participate in their Open House Event.  I did the 5k, changed into the first size XL dress I bought, chatted with current and new members, gave my "short and sweet" success (thus far) story speech, listened to others, and had a really great day.  By the time I left...almost 4 hours later, I felt so inspired and ready to get the scale moving in the right direction again. 

Saturday and Sunday were perfect, On plan days.  I weighed and tracked every single bite and only used 17pp of my weeklies.  Yesterday I woke up ready to go.  I took my 3 mile walk...it was cold...36 degrees and super windy, but I did it!  I felt so good!  I got home and that feeling started to dissipate.  My mom was not feeling so well and we had to make an unplanned trip to the valley to take her sewing machine in for service which meant I wouldn't be able to help at my daughter's school.  It also meant we would have to get there and back in time to get my daughter from school.  The trip started off badly when I hit my head full force on the metal part of the car door.  It hurt so bad I was hurting from my forehead down to to behind my eyes.  After a few hours the pain finally went away.  Somehow we took the wrong freeway and trying to get back the other direction was a challenge because the freeway entrances we needed were closed for construction.  It seems, more often than not, I can't seem to do anything right the first time. 

We finally made it to our destination and back home in time to get my daughter.  It hit me, like it does many days, that my time is no longer my own.  With having to take care of my parents, all of their paperwork, banking, medicine, doctors, and driving, I always have somewhere I need to be.  I feel like my life is constantly in "hurry up and wait, and then get to the next stop without being late" mode.  By the time I got my daughter home from school I wasn't feeling well at all.  I had a small snack, and tracked it.  Then that switch flipped and I had a little of this and a little of that, and a little more.  I consumed the rest of my weeklies in one afternoon...on nothing exciting.  I was so mad at myself.

This morning I was up 2.5 pounds from yesterday...no, I did not consume an extra 10,000 calories and I did earn 7 activity pp, but too much is too much, and I know there was a lot of salt in what I ate.  This morning was super cold and I decided I would not walk.  I would rather do an exercise video, but I don't need the comments I would get...yes...at home I would get negative comments, and interruptions.  I wish I could change my environment, it would make a big difference in my weight loss journey.  I wish I had somewhere to be that was my own space that I could use to exercise, craft, sew, do paperwork, or just simply sit and do nothing.  At this moment I am in my room with the door closed...I hate being in my room...I hate closed doors...it reminds me of my childhood.

When we had our house we never closed the doors...except the bathroom of course.  I miss our home, our space, our freedom, our independence, and everything else it represented.

I am going to make better food choices today.  I want this too bad to let one bad day turn into two.

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