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Friday, September 21, 2012

Day 28...Glad the week is almost over...

Today I spent all day helping at my daughter's school.  I love those kids...they always take my mind off of all the worry and nonsense in my life.  One of the girls, who is in third grade with my daughter and we have known since kinder, even told me she wished I could be their teacher....the other kids who heard her thought it would be a good idea too!  I think I would like being a teacher...but sadly there is no time for more school and a different career path.  I also love accounting so we'll see where I end up once I have time to get back to work.

I did well eating this morning and at school...I packed my lunch and my daughter and I shared a mini bag of mini cookies...only 2pp.  When we got home I ate more than planned...as usual.  When I was cooking dinner it was so hot and I wasn't feeling well.  I had a few bites of chicken while I cooked and some cold water.

Since I made chicken and my dad doesn't like it, I made him  something totally different.  I am an idiot.  I feel like crap, I am hotter than Africa, it is TOM, I am tired, and I am going to waste my precious time and energy only to get yelled at and complained to when dinner was served.  Somehow, he decided that mac and cheese with sliced hot dogs is Mexican food and claims we eat Mexican food every night...which could not be further from the truth.  My husband, who is Mexican, will eat almost anything if it is in a tortilla.  We rarely have Mexican food as a family meal.

I am so tired of the crap I get from my dad.  I have 5 siblings and not one of them calls or visits my mom or dad.  Two of them live local, two of them have not lived out of state for very long, and the other has lived in another state for quite a few years.  They all take vacations, have parties, and own vehicles, house phones, and cell phones.  There is no reason that they cannot call, at least my mom, to see how she is.  They have no idea what life is like in this house, and obviuosly don't care to either.

I have been knocked down so many times by my dad, when I think about how many times it makes me sick.  No one should have to live like this.  I hate that my kids have to hear us fight, see me upset, and see me cry.  I try my best to keep them away from it, but that isn't always possible.  My husband and mom also get upset when my dad is shitty to me.  It is crazy how ONE person can distrupt a house of 6!  I truly believe he wakes up in the morning to ensure he is able to make me miserable which in turn will make everyone else miserable...except him of course.  He will be shitty and then ass kissing...it is awful.  To live in constant anticipation of what he is going to yell at me about next, and then to get yelled at...or not...leaves little room for peace and quiet...even inside my own head!

My arm hurts so bad...I used it alot at school, when I was cooking dinner, and when I was doing the dishes.  The pain makes me wince even to take my dress off over my head.  I feel like I can't catch a break!  I hurt my foot...wait for it to heal...use it...get a blister...and then wreck my arm.  I refuse to stay down!  I will figure out how to carry on.

Tomorrow is weigh in.  I know the scale is going to be up.  This week was filled with my mother-in-law's not WW friendly cooking and tons of leftovers, Chinese food last night, and Aunt Flo showed up today.  It is what it is and I will not let it discourage me.

It is almost 8pm.  I have earned 3pp and reached 97%.  I could easily Kettlebell my way past 100%, but that would kill my arm and increase the healing time.  I might make it to 100% just because I am not going to bed yet...if I don't, I will still consider today a success for activity.  I am probably a good 10pp over for the day.  I can't go back and change what I ate, but I will try to make better choices tomorrow.

Food has always been a comfort.  Many times throughout my life it was all I had available to soothe my wounds.  I have got to find a way to let it go and use it for its intended purpose...to fuel my body...not numb my pain.  I am far from my pre-WW self, but also very far from where I want to be.  I will get there.

Onto Day 29 and a new week...

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