I almost didn't go to this morning's meeting because I knew I had gained, and because I couldn't stop crying. I was so upset last night that I had nightmares about fighting with my dad. I can't even find peace when I am sleeping and it makes me mad.
I got dressed, put make up on, straightened my hair, and went to the meeting. Tears flowed the whole way there and I was able to compose myself before walking in the door...until someone asked how I was. I don't hide tears, or evidence of them, very well. They started again...right there in the meeting room. I felt like such a fool. One of the front desk girls brought me tissue, a member held out her hand to me, another came over and sat with me and listened, another came over and quitely gave me a hug. Since our original small group has a Facebook page, they all know my story. I felt like such an ass, but none of them saw me that way. They were supportive, told me to contact them during the week if needed, and posted messages on Facebook in our group after the meeting. I feel loved and I am so glad that I only waited 3 weeks to rejoin after I quit over the summer. I need those people, and that time. I know I will be successful with WW and one day reach my goal. I will not give u no matter how long it takes or how tough things get at home. As long as I don't give up, I still have the opportunity to make the next meal, day, or week better than the last.
Today's meeting was about tracking...EVERY.SINGLE.DAY...which is exactly what I did, faithfully, last year when I was losing each week. I have decided to go back to tracking on the weekends. Sometimes I feel like I change my plan of action too much, but if I see something is not working I want to change it as soon as possible in efforts to move forward rather than stand still or go backwards. I like the break of not tracking and measuring, but I do not the uncertainty of it. I know some weekends I go way over my 49 extra and some I don't, but I have been counting as if I had and then "re-using" some of those pp again during the week. Some weeks it works out on the scale, some weeks it does not.
The leader spoke of tracking, consistently, for 6 straight weeks. I am going to do it, even if I have to guestimate on foods I am unsure of. I am not saying I will not lose control from time to time and go over my daily and weekly pp, but I am going to track it all...the good and the bad.
I am still not feeling 100%...mind, body, or spirit. I spent alot of time watching TV, doing laundry, and hanging out with my daughter today. I used 12 of my weeklies, tracked every BLT, and felt in control.
I am barely over 50% on my ActiveLink and don't think I will get much further tonight. My arm is really bothering me and I know if I keep pushing it I will just make it worse. I need to allow my body to heal so I can get back to steady exercise...I really miss it!
Onto Day 30...